Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
