could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
