I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
