Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
