Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Let's get the cat blown out
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
