You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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