his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
