Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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