A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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