Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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