That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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