Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
