The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
