Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
