Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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