fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
