I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i came on her dog
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
