My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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