Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
