Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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