all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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