i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
