I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
