I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
