why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
