Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
