my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
