Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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