Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
