Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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