i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
