Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
