you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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