Porn is love you can see.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
