for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Pooping to opera.
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