Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
