go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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