his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am one with the molecules
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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