This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
