You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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