i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
