this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
