yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
