you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
