the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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