At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
