You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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