I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
