that's an acceptable place to lick
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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