I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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