How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
