Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
