Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
