Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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