I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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