it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
