Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
