so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
