I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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